i see your true colours.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Boo! haha.... i have like 4 mins now to blog while aiting for my brother to loan me his phone connector then i'll be jogging to Tiong Bahru PLaza!! lol haix... chye aik lazy go then es all the way at clementi....damn...tt means i have to come home through that dark dark road near the mrt alone( bus sux.takes like ages...). Sobs. haha. Never mind>.< this is more chance for me to learn to be independent. HUIYU DOES NOT NEED ANYONE wooohooo!!! POPULAR! here i come...lol blog more ltr ciao ciao

7:32 PM

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

smile u idiot! SMILE! coz there are a million things to smile about=)

8:34 PM

Monday, September 03, 2007

Avril Lavigne_Keep Holding On

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in

No, I won't give in

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear
Before the door's closed
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Hear me when I say
When I say "I believe.
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
La da da da, la da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through Just stay strong
Cause you know
I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through -Ahh, ahh-
Keep holding on -Ahh, ahh-
Keep holding on

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

11:54 PM

Boo! haha...its been the longest time ever!!!

Today was also a day of thinking for me....
i really wonder if he still likes me as much? i mean, i feel really bad doubting him and stuff but well, it kinda bugs me. For example, like last night, i really like playing online mahjong with him, but last night i felt real weird. Like if he loses or anything then he will somehow get annoyed and stuff. I keep promising myself to not play with him anymore coz after that his mood gets kinda spoilt but oh wells, i have never ever kept my promises do i? =)

today i was supposed to run at 7 in the morning....but when my alarm rang, i simply couldnt care and i just shut it down.lol....so on and on and on...i rumbled on into my dream world only for it to be shattered by one thought.JE library! i tot i was late so i sat up immediately and realised tt indeed i was a little behind time so i rushed and everything and managed to meet ah ma on time=)

And today, when jo and i was sharing umbrella, i realised something, he has never been so protective of me or maybe just not in a long long time. Like if we share umbrella, his thoughts is always to get to shelter. He makes the effort to shelter me but as we walk he would walk real fast and if i get left in the rain he wouldnt know. In the train too, coz i was standing at the partition next to the opposite side of the door. He used his right hand to hold the handle beside the door instead of the left. I even had to ask him to change hands...stupid huh? lol... but its been some time since he did that. He say coz that side dun have bar to hold but i was like: der what... and he was like tts not what i meant. I guessed maybe coz its further. but there was this huge gap between us, he could have stepped nearer? I was stoning at how far his shirt was away from me lol.I guess its ridiculous nit picking like that but sometimes u feel that these small little things matter too.

NOt to be boastful>.< ...but i think i have a really strong type of character=P but as much as it seems that my external facade is steady, im still a girl inside. Someone who really want someone to love her inside out, someone that needs a protective shadow overher , someone that is fragile too. Maybe u just forgot. I guess its my fault for acting strong. And i know that some things happen so long ago and i should seriously forget. But i just can't.

Like how he sent her home the night he was supposed to send me...
Like how he told me that im being paranoid...
Like how he told me that he feels stressed by me...
Like how he thinks that i have changed...
Like how i was sick and needed him but he was having fun with his friends instead( oh wells class gatherin?)
Like how he thinks i don't give him freedom...

Maybe he does make sense but i really cnt help the way i am. Im realli kinda the protective type... i guess freedom does have its price.In this case its me...i cnt not care about him. But if he needs absoulute freedom then maybe im just not the right girl? im really beginning to doubt myself nwww....grrr...lol i hate myself...

He told me that all the pain i felt is cause of my ownself. That im pulling him into my self created misery. And when i told him that i am afraid that he'll leave me coz of sumone else. His reply was that if he ever leaved me it would be because of myself. My heart shattered and hasnt been together since=) but maybe it has made me stronger? after all a heart that is broken cant have anything worse happened to it? what cn anyone do? step on it? probably just cut themselves=) I said that i wont cry anymore and i really did it...so farr...haha.

the people there are like wayyy....ks...all the early birds came at like 9(according to sources) and by the time library opened for 5 mins, ALL the seats were gone. Ok...let me put it this way...one person to one table...and when i ask if i can seatm they just coldly stared at me and say"sorry, taken up..." when there is apparently only one person there. GRRRR....( poor poor ppl...kena treated like maid...get sent by frens to chope seats while their friends happily lay at home for another half an hr is their pink and purple dreamland...oh such is life...). So in the end, al, guanri , ruibin, ahma and i were like sitting on the floor studying....and this caused major butt ache>.< The huiyu in the past wun cry...in fact... the huiyu in the past wun let any guy bully her... if her stead was ever mean to her... then she was immediately clear that he is nt meant for her then it was bye bye=) but this time the lines have been blurred=( Maybe this is love...

I really hate myself for behaving this way...but he have never had the feeling of being 2 timed.He would not understand how it feels when a guy treasures you one moment and ignores you the next. He have never known what its like to see girls name on sumone's phone and have to be able to bluff herself. He would have never known what it feels like to have ur fren tell u that what you think was happening was right( 2 months later, bcos he was scared to hurt me). He would never have known what it feels like to have her call put down early so that HE could talk to his other gf. He would never noe how it feels like for HIM show how hurried HE is to put down the phone coz he was out with that girl.He could never understand the kind of guilty feeling felt when i got some other guy just so that i could 2 time HIM back. He would never noe what it feels like to initiate a break up coz u cant take the self denial anymore. I took me years to recover and learn how to love. I dun wanna feel like that ever again... i really cnt stand anyone leaving me.... i never want to have that feeling again. ...

lol i feel so much better after ranting....happy happy happy =]

i love you

10:23 PM